Saturday, July 11, 2015

What the...

I am currently on a bus en route to a two week immersive intensive retreat. I am so excited...except that every fiber of my being is screaming out to just turn around and go scoop up my babies. 

I know they will be more than fine, and I know this is good for all of us, but man does this feel like an inability to breathe! I have not been away from an of my kids for even as much as 24 hours. For the last 8 years (9 if your count pregnancy) I have spent no more than a few hours at a time away from my children. And now, all of a sudden, I will be away from them for more than two solid weeks. 
I have no doubt that this will be weird and bizarre for them, too, but I trust that they will also have fun - they have each other, and James, and the kitties, and Kelly is in town to hang out with them in my stead, and this weekend my dad and Pepper are even here...they will be fine.
As for me, I know this will be fun and beneficial, but I have been on my own since just before 10am and this already marks more solid, unbroken, uninterrupted solitary time than I have had in something like a decade and I'm not sure how to handle it!
It's so weird to have only me to focus on, I feel like so much attention and awareness is suddenly just on me that it's like I'm living in my face. I know that is a weird statement, but watching out this bus window I feel like I see and hear and feel so much just for myself that it has become sensory overload and it feels like my face is buzzing, or something.  THIS IS SO WEIRD. Where are my kids? I need to give them big hugs.

The very full house I left behind. I love you all so much! Miss you already!!