Mama's Christmas Gift

Calliope had a really REALLY hard time falling asleep tonight, and it didn't seem to be just the usual Christmas Eve jitters; the poor kid was sobbing for a LONG time. We tried everything...music, mama cuddles, sister cuddles, baba cuddles, my dad even brought his guitar in to play to her, we tried stories, you name it...nothing was working. She was inconsolable and part of the problem was that she was feeling guilty for being inconsolable...she kept saying it was just so hard to calm down even though she didn't have a reason to be upset anymore, which made her cry harder. We talked about it for a bit, but then!! Oh, then came this amazing exchange that was such a huge gift to this mama's heart; I can't believe this is a real thing that just happened. Today we saw (fiasco's AMAZING production of ) into the woods; and Sondheim is right:  Children will listen.

Calliope: 

Mama, sometimes the bad feelings just push into you even when you are already trying to calm down and you dont know why

Me:

Well the important thing is that you are able to recognize that, so you can start to understand that the bad feelings aren't you, and let them go.

Cadence:

Calliope, breathe out whatever is bothering you with each breath.

Hazel:

And think about the good things that make you happy every time you breathe in.

Cadence: 

Yeah, with every breath take in the happy thoughts as you breathe in and as you breathe out let go of all the bad thoughts that are making you grumpy and sad.

Hazel:

 Calliope, think about all the good things you want to do with your life, and focus on that.

Calliope:

 Or you can just swallow the bad stuff.

Hazel: 

Oh but no, if you swallow it it will just go inside you.

Cadence:

 And you don't want it trapped inside you, then you'll never feel better.

Hazel: 

Just breathe.

Cadence:

Like this.

All three start breathing calmly and deeply. The cats come and sit on them. All theee are sound asleep in under 10 minutes.

Unbelievable. They blow my mind...I adore my amazing, compassionate, thoughtful children, and I'm so glad they are actually gathering the tools they will need to make the best of this crazy life.

Happy Holidays, all.
With so. Much. Love.

Finding a Purpose

Today would have been my Mom's 60th birthday.  Initially tempted to spend the day wishing she was still around for us to tease about getting old (and being proved decidedly wrong), I have found a far, far better use of this special day.

I spent a significant chunk of my adolescence and young adulthood working on educating people about the importance of empathy and the dangers of dissociating individuals from the overwhelming statistics that make up their circumstances.  As such, I have spent more than the usual amount of time questioning: "What would I do, if this was happening today?"  Obviously, we all like to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and assume that we would stand up and do the right thing...but no one ever knows for sure until they are actually in the unfathomable reality of crisis. For so many Americans, Europeans, and relatively safe peoples around the world, it is all too easy to sit back in complacency and feel too removed to be effected...including myself.  

Ever since the current "refugee crisis" first made itself known, I have felt a deep, nagging, urgent sense that I absolutely HAD to do something tangible to help.  To practice what I have so often preached, and taken the risk of daring to reach out to people caught up in the overwhelming displacement.  But...what could I do?  I'm a full time, homeschooling mom, a freelance performer, a stuttered blogger, an amateur photographer...and I'm no where near the epicenter of what's going on and no one was going to come to me for help, and without a buttload of cash, there is nothing I can do to help the poor souls washing up on foreign shores, so far away, anyhow.  So I sat back and relegated that nagging need to do something to the bin of misguided dreams, and hid it under a thin veil of justification.

But that didn't last.  I am a mom, and that's a visceral reality that I can never truly turn off.  Seeing images of these families with young children arriving, soaked, scared, exhausted; watching videos of volunteers wrap tiny children in emergency blankets, and thinking about the long, dangerous journey most of them still have ahead of them, one of my frequent thoughts among the obvious heartbreak is:  how are they going to get those kids to continue to travel so far?  On limited food and next to no resources, carrying a baby or a toddler on such long travails - often over treacherous terrain - becomes a seriously perilous undertaking.  Any rocky slope would necessitate using your hands for stability or to catch yourself...which is next to impossible with an infant in tow.  I never used a stroller, for any of my three children, and am therefore very familiar with the comfort, sense of security (for both parent and child), warmth, and safety a baby carrier can provide - not to mention the ease of mobility and having your hands free!  I found myself thinking; "If only they had carriers, this would still be hard but it would be so much more doable."  But, still, nothing clicked, and I noted that my need to help was growing a healthy layer of guilt around it, but I left it in that discard bin, the veil of justification stubbornly insisting that I have no power.

Until yesterday.  Yesterday, I came across a news article about a mom in California, who - just as I had - saw the need for carriers for these families, but unlike me, she didn't let herself rest within that uncomfortable complacency.  She grabbed the bull by the horns and said "ok, let's do this."  And she asked people to donate carriers, then packed them up, flew to Greece, and personally strapped these babies in safely by fitting each one onto a struggling caretaker.  I was in AWE.  I cried.  In that moment, my hands shaking and my whole being rattled; that need to help threw off that veil, burst out of the discard bin, and manifested in a full, unshakeable form:  I had to join her.  I have to do this, and not just donate carriers and spread the word...All the work I've done over the years, all the effort I have put in to rallying people, it was all culminating in this moment.  This was something I could viscerally relate to, something that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, will help these families in a simple, tangible, and potentially even life saving way, and with the skills I have honed in my years of production and management, it is something actually within my means to do. I absolutely must go there and do this.

So, I am.  I have joined her organization, Carry the Future, as a volunteer.  Over the coming weeks I will be collecting new or gently used baby carriers* and plan to fly to the Greek Isles (or wherever we are needed) and assist with the direct distribution of these carriers to the families that need them. Not an easy undertaking, I know, but I felt called to do this, and committing to it brought on an enormous wave of relief. I can't be true to myself - or to anything that I aspire to - if I don't get out there and get my hands dirty in an effort to do just a spot of good. And in the end, I will be coming home to a warm, safe, happy home filled with family, support, food, and security...who am I to deny even the tiniest relief to these families who deserve no less, and yet have been caught up in circumstances beyond their control, leaving them with virtually none of it. Regardless of politics, I am sure we can all agree that the children do not deserve any of this.  So please, help me to help them.

If you would like to donate a carrier, please let me know.  I am working to establish easily accessible drop off points around the area (and have partnered with many other wonderful volunteers to coordinate efforts across the DC metro region, spanning north to Baltimore and south to Richmond), and will be collecting donated carriers at my home and at local meet ups.  I may even be able to do some local pickups.    

Alternatively, anyone can ship new carriers directly to the organization’s headquarters in California. 

I will be doing this in honor of these families, as well as my mom, and of course of my dear friend Zoë, who I know would be right there beside me on this one if she were still around.  We lost her last year and never did get to go with her to her family home in Lesbos as she so often said she wanted.  I may well see those shores soon, Zoë, and I wish you could be there with me.

For further information about Carry the Future and what we do, please see our website: http://www.carrythefuture.org/

Your help in spreading the word would be greatly appreciated! 

Carry The Future founder Cristal Munoz-Logothetis with one of the many recipients of her efforts. Photo used with permission.

Love and peace, all.

*soft structured baby and child carriers only. No car seats, no metal frames, no strollers, no wraps, no slings. Soft Structured Carriers (SSCs) are basically any carrier that has clasps or harnesses, and Mei Teis (square cloth with four ties). A few examples are Baby Bjorn, Kolcraft, MobyGo and Ergo.

Heartbreaking and deeply philosophical, unanswerable question from Calliope

Is it gonna be a new day, when we die?

Cadence & Hazel's Christmas wish list: a trialogue.

Cadence:  I want blue whales to be saved.

Hazel:  I want penguins to be saved.

Cadence:  I also want some new christmas socks.  Um, that's all, I can't think of anything else for now.

Me: Hazel, is there anything else you want to add to your christmas list?

Hazel:  No!

Well, I guess we must be doing SOMETHING right!

Holiday Spirit

James is nestled into the corner of the couch reading on his nook, Cadence snuggled in, sound asleep, on one side, Hazel, also sound asleep, snuggled in on the other side, curled around a purring Carmen cat. I've got my tiny little Calliope cuddled in my arms. Lily and Puy are off in some cozy spot or another. The only light is from our humble little tree, and we've got the Christmas music my pare

nts would always play when I was little wafting softly through the room. Out the window, the world is drenched in a heavy white fog and the red line metro looks like a model train all lit up as it rumbles by.

This is what Christmas is to me. Happy holidays to all, whichever ones you may celebrate. I hope they all bring moments of bliss to you and yours the way this one has for me tonight. I am so grateful for all of this.

Comfort & joy, all.

More Waterbirth Wonders

Hazel gently holding her new baby sister's tiny foot

Birth is such a wonderful and transformative experience.  At least, it can (and, dare I say it -should) be.  Calliope is my third child, and my second child born peacefully at home, in the water.  Once again, I loved it, though it was actually quite different than the last time!

I went into a lot of detail about why I chose to do a home waterbirth when I wrote about Hazel's birth, so I won't go into all of that here, but if you're curious about it - or want to know more about my first two birth stories - you can read that little novella HERE.

Calliope is such a little wonderbabe.  She has just been such a huge joy, to ALL of us, since her happy arrival a few days ago...I can hardly wrap my brain around how amazing this whole process has been.

So here's how it all went down:

The first awesome moments of life

The day hurricane Sandy rolled through, I'm pretty sure I could have triggered labor if I hadn't been so extremely overly cautious. (What?  I was a little nervous about the prospect of ending up in labor in the middle of a historically destructive storm with no power or water (NO BIRTH TUB!) and no way for my midwives to reach me...) As it was, I started getting contractions that day, with no rhythm or rhyme to them whatsoever, and while they didn't build or get any more consistent or regular, they also didn't stop completely from the day of the full moon until the day before the birth actually took place-10 days later.

(Well, almost, anyway. The day before she arrived we went to Bed Bath & Beyond to get some stuff to make mom's post-op recovery at home a bit easier, and as we ambled through the store at about 3pm, I noticed that the contractions weren't changing as I changed activities anymore.  I decided baby would be coming that night one way or the other, dag gummit, and decided to do all of the 'natural triggers' I could think of that were known to kickstart labor if the kid was actually ready.  As soon as I finished cooking my chinese eggplant in garlic sauce dish, they disappeared entirely. Go figure.)

Anyway, I woke up at about 2:35am on November 8, and was mostly just annoyed that I was awake.  I was having really intense contractions, but that was nothing new after the last couple weeks of waking up contracting only to have them dissipate after I emptied my bladder.  Plus, I think I'd been aware of my contractions in my dreams, which I was having trouble shaking, so nothing seemed odd to me at the time.  I used the bathroom and crawled back into bed, aware at this point that these were different, since my trip to the bathroom hadn't changed anything.  Aware on some level that it was labor, so I should get some rest, I tried to go back to sleep.  I figured Baby would come sometime in the morning.  Mairi and Erin (the two lovely women at M.A.M.A.s Midwifery who had graciously taken me into their practice when I suddenly moved into their area in my third trimester) had instructed me to call them if I was awake for an hour with contractions, so I tried to rest and figured I'd call them around 3:30 if I really couldn't sleep.

But I quickly discovered laying down was not so comfortable. And every time I had a contraction, Hazel would grab onto me and fuss in her sleep...

I got up and walked around, breathed through them, and noticed that I didn't get much of a break between them.  I somehow managed, in all my baby-prep over the course of the 40 weeks + that I had been pregnant, not to download a contraction timing app as I had planned, so I figured what better time than now?

Except that I couldn't.  The contractions were coming so fast and strong I couldn't focus on finding a decent app.  So I did the natural thing and woke James up to do it for me.  He did, though I'm guessing it was mostly superfluous, since I ended up only timing contractions for oh, 20 minutes, tops?  We also looked up who was on call at that hour, and I broke down and called Erin at 3:15. I hadn't even begun to time them yet so I was afraid that I wouldn't have enough info to give her, but I think my voice on the phone as we talked probably gave her all the info she needed.  She said she'd start gathering her things and we'd see how it went.

The first thing James asked when I woke him was if he should start filling up the birth pool.  I had said no, but now began to rethink that answer.  Once I got off the phone, I asked him to set it up, and all of a sudden, up pops Hazel as if it was 3:20 in the afternoon, not 3:20 in the morning, and she declares "I want to help!" and so James had little miss sunshine by his side as he staggered out of bed to set it up.  She gave me a big, awesome, excited hug before tending her duties, and I felt so connected with that little amazel, and so glad she was there and so involved and eager.

Hazel Amazel, on the job!

While they worked, I set about trying to reach Liz, my dear friend and a midwifery student herself, who was going to be present for the birth.  My many attempts at reaching her were unsuccessful...

Mom woke up to the noise of James and Hazel inflating the tub in the living room, and came in to find me.  I wanted my bouncy ball, so eventually we all ended up in the living room except for Cadence, who was still fast asleep.  The ball helped, a lot, but these contractions were still coming super fast and super strong, and I was still kinda groggy and was having trouble relaxing into them as easily as I had been able to during Hazel's birth.  I tried writing an "it's happening" blog post as I had done before, but I got about as far as opening the blogger app on my phone before I abandoned the phone entirely, timing app, inability to reach Liz and all...

The ball wasn't helping as much as it had been before and it crossed my mind that my body wanted me to push.  "Not yet" I thought, "there's no way, it's too soon.  Maybe I just need to go to the bathroom."  So I did.  While I was in there, Mom passed by the door carrying Carmen, and she was muttering to her about 'not doing that'...turns out Carmen was intrigued by something in the tub, and attacked it...no visible punctures, buuuut....

I went in to wake Cadence up at probably 3:45.  That kid is such a heavy sleeper, it took me three contractions to get her up!  I tried sitting on the inflatable Rody horse that she'd left by the side of the bed in lieu of the ball (which was still in the other room) which only kind of worked, but amused me nonetheless.  Cadence was sooo happy when she finally woke up enough to understand what I was saying to her, and gave me the biggest, most encouraging hug before dashing off to help fill the pool.

Best. Helpers. Ever.

I returned to my ball, then back to the bathroom, all the while reminding myself to let it out on sound.  I wasn't truly letting the sound travel through me this time though, (probably because I was holding back to avoid pushing), so while it helped it wasn't the wundertool it had been last time.  The tub was still filling, and I was tempted to tell James to hurry it up...but that really wouldn't have done any good, 'cause he can't make the water flow any faster...

Using the bathroom helped...maybe...just a tad...but I found myself returning to it very soon after I left, and it was during this second visit that I hit the "get the cloth OFF ME!" stage where I couldn't stand clothes anymore, so I abandoned the oversized T-shirt I was wearing on the bathroom floor.  At some point in there I told James that I needed him to call Erin and tell her I was wrong, this birth was gonna happen a lot sooner than I had previously thought...Luckily she'd listened to my voice, not my words, when I told her I didn't think she needed to rush over here, because she reported that she was already getting off the beltway and would be arriving momentarily.  It was becoming harder and harder not to give in to the urge to push, which meant I was resisting my body's natural impulses instead of relaxing into them, and that made it all a bit more scary and painful.

I knew the water would help, so I climbed into the tub even though it wasn't quite full and was a bit too hot, and the relief was instantaneous.  It is truly unbelievable how immediate and palpable the relief is as soon as you get in the water.  It was perfectly heavenly.  Until I realized I still had that freakishly intense urge to push...and then, after a couple more contractions wherein I didn't give in, my body began to push naturally.  I was resistant, mostly because I was not mentally prepared - my midwife hadn't arrived yet and this was all going so fast and I hadn't even gotten myself into the trance-state I spent most of my labor with Hazel in...I think I actually said "No" or "oh no" or something to that effect out loud - which I guess raised some sort of red flag for me, because after that I was able to take a moment to assess the situation and realize that, while Erin wasn't there yet (Mairi was attending another birth that evening and wouldn't be able to join us) she was on her way, and I knew that I was safe, that I could do this, that it was ok to follow my body's lead and trust it, and kind of gave myself permission to not wait and follow someone else's schedule...after that things got much easier.

The phone rang during that intense contraction. It was Erin, confirming our door code to give to her birth assistant, Susan.  Erin said afterwards that her phone recorded that call as taking place at 4:04am.  In retrospect, I'm pretty sure it was that prolonged, intense contraction when my water broke - though I was admittedly unaware of it at the time.

I had some (organic trader joe's) pink lemonade mixed with seltzer on a table within my reach, and normally I love that (in fact, since the birth it has become a pretty serious obsession...I can't get enough!) but for whatever reason, that was completely unappealing in that moment.  I was getting super thirsty, but I really, really didn't want to ask for water because James' presence at the side of the tub was feeding me so much support, I did not want him to move, and mom was busy with the girls just then.  I can't explain how much connection I felt there...I have a fairly vivid memory of seeing him sitting beside the pool, but in analyzing that image it can't possibly be an actual visual recall, because he was sitting to the side and slightly behind me, and I had my eyes closed for most of it anyway...I must have just felt his presence so strongly my brain interpreted it as 'seeing' him there.

I did eventually give in and request water, and when he got up to go the room felt noticeably colder, somehow.  I was so glad when he came back, both for the water, and for the emotional hug his presence gave me.  I made my way to one side of the tub and kind of draped myself over the edge, resting my head on the side as I let the contractions roll through me. I was doing a better job of letting my body do what it needed to, and letting it out on sound, but I still had one major hangup:  I was feeling rectal pressure and my monkey-mind was all up in arms about that being the wrong direction, and I was feeling miserable and not giving in to what my body needed to do.

It was about this time that Erin arrived.  Having her steady, experienced presence enter the space was relieving - it was like struggling with a question and finally being able to discuss it with a trusted guru...she wasn't going to give me any answers or do the hard part for me, but her wisdom and experience was there for me to draw upon, and that felt like such a gift.

She hit the ground running, and, after telling me that, if I was still in the position I was in when the baby came, I should just sit back and bring the baby up in front of me, apologetically asked me if I could shift just a bit so she could better reach to check the baby's heart rate.  I told her I could move anywhere, as long as I wasn't in the middle of a contraction!  I really was still totally fine between contractions, and was excited that this was finally happening...though the contractions were coming so close together at this point that I didn't really have much time between them anyhow.  A quick listen and she declared that Baby sounded perfectly happy, but the water was a bit too hot, so we added some cold water to the tub and carried on.  Erin stepped behind me to the other side of the pool, and sort of embedded herself in the side of my consciousness...she was there, present, part of this support system holding me up, but not prominent or a focal point in any way.  It was just what I needed.

I was quietly aware of the buzzy excited energy of the girls, which, though they were being amazingly reverent and pretty calm and quiet, was feeding me plenty of positive, up-beat energy even as I began to consciously turn my focus to an inner calm.  I could feel the extremely primal comfort of my mother's presence in the room - calming, supporting, perhaps worrying just a tad, but only to a healthy, loving degree and nothing troubling...I was so grateful to have them all there, welcoming love and support from my surrounding generations...It really was a gift.  I am very thankful that this lady graced us with her arrival while mom was still here to help us welcome her.  While I'm sure everything would have gone just fine even if she hadn't been here, it wouldn't have been the same.  And the way she came was pretty perfect.

Right about this time, each of our three feline family members made their presence known to me, too...just for a moment, and I don't even know how exactly, but I became aware of each of them, individually, stationed throughout the room - though I couldn't tell you where they were...I just took note that all three were there, which surprised me a bit, since they'd all been a bit skittish since Puy's amputation, and Carmen and Puy had both been quite reclusive, especially when there were lots of people around...but all three of them were there with me in the room, too - even Puy in all her 3 legged post-op bad haircut glory...and it was wonderfully uplifting.

Which made me realize that my only hangups now were totally psychological, and I needed to let go in order to make this happen painlessly.  I told Erin about my irrational fear of my urge to push being in the wrong direction, and while she responded very sweetly about it being a totally normal fear and not needing to worry about it, just voicing it had allowed me to let go, and by the time she was into her speech, my body had moved on.

I admit, though, that I did hit a moment of despair and panic.  It happened approximately 30 seconds before the baby crowned.  As I mentioned, I was not at all in the trance-like 'labor state' that I achieved during my last birth...with this labor, there was no time to ease myself into that hypnotic state, I really just woke up in the thick of it with the really intense contractions, and everything happened so quickly I barely had time to process what was going on, and as such, everything was much more vividly 'real' to me on a conscious level this time...no swirling surges of energy or one-ness with the water, just me, in my living room, surrounded by the physical presence of my loved ones, experiencing what I was experiencing.  And right after I had surrendered that fear to Erin and began to let my body do what it needed to do,  I got hit with the most intense pressure that I could possibly imagine and my mind nosedived even as I surrendered to it; I was suddenly acutely aware that, while this would pass and I'd be fine, it SUCKED right then, and I was present enough to be, well, present in it, and that meant I was stuck with it...I was solidly in the moment, and had to just experience this, and 'this' was extremely uncomfortable.  (Not painful, necessarily - oddly enough it registered as discomfort more than pain.) There was no escape, and I didn't know how long it would go on.

But, before the thought even had time to complete itself in my brain, suddenly all that pressure I'd been resisting proved itself right and I could feel the baby in the birth canal...it wasn't "the wrong direction", it was the baby trying to move past in her descent!  Suddenly I got it, and fully gave in to it...in that same push I could feel her features as she traveled all the way down the canal and I felt the 'ring of fire' for less time than it took me to notice (literally, my brain said "ring o-"before the sensation had moved on)...Suddenly I knew we were just about done, her head was emerging! I reached down and put my hand on her head and tried to relax and not rush...I could feel her hair, I could feel the realness of her, my mind was on overdrive and I found myself saying something along the lines of "that's my baby's head! I'm holding my baby's head..." mostly, I think, as a way to steady myself and keep myself grounded, present, in the moment.  I had a brief moment between contractions, and then I could feel her moving again...I started to move backwards, I could hear James telling me to take my time, and not hurt myself (a reference to Hazel's birth, where I more or less consciously pushed her out knowing that I'd tear if I didn't wait for one more contraction) and I was amused and glad he said that, I tried to just chill and let her ease out...I could feel her spin as she emerged, I could feel her face with my fingers...Erin said something about small gentle pushes, and I tried that too, but she was sliding out of her own accord, so quickly...and then it was done, I sat back and saw the whole baby gently floating up towards me.  I scooped her up, it felt almost non-chalant, and I held her to my chest and marveled at her as she looked up at me like..."ok, what's this?"

Blurry, but I love it nonetheless...the glee of baby's grand arrival!! (photo thanks to my mom!!)

It was amazing.  And it was done.  It was 4:22am.  I hadn't even been in labor for 2 full hours.  Both girls were with James beside me, and together we all marveled at that sweet new life in my arms.  James said something to Cadence and Hazel about now being able to find out if it was a girl or a boy...which reminded me to check, 'cause I was lost in her little face at that moment.  Her serene little eyes taking it all in, and clearly wanting to go back to sleep.  I did check, obviously: "it's another girl!"

Glad to be here

She gave a couple good cries shortly thereafter, but that was it.  Otherwise she was content to cuddle with me and let this craziness unfold.  Susan, the birth assistant, arrived several minutes later, and offered us our first congrats.  Calliope and I stayed in the birth tub until I delivered the placenta, then got out and settled in on the couch.  It was splendid. Amazing.  I felt grand.  I wasn't even tired. I was totally on a natural high (James looked at me at one point quite a while later and just said "your pupils are so dilated right now..."), and loving life.  Calliope nursed (like a champ!) and once the cord stopped pulsing, James cut it. (Mairi and Erin had warned us ahead of time that they do it a little differently than most folks are used to..they left about 4 inches of cord attached to her belly, which, I guess due to increased surface area allowing more moisture to be wicked away, allows the cord to dry out & fall away much more quickly.  They weren't kidding - Calliope's cord fell of on day 3!) They checked me out (blood pressure low, but that's normal for me, everything else looked great.) Erin & Mairi had told us beforehand that, in their experience, mothers who put their hands on their babies' heads as they crowned, and then delivered into their hands were far less likely to tear - and even if they did, the tears tend not to be as bad, so I was cautiously hopeful that I wouldn't need to be stitched this time...but I was still (pleasantly!) surprised when Erin informed me that there was a teensy tear that didn't even warrant fixing, especially if I iced it...so I did that. No stitches!  Fabulous!!

I can't help thinking she looks like a much cuter version of the Face of Bo in this one...wise old (smiley!) soul!

Erin also checked the placenta - it was whole, and it did have some definite calcification, which meant that it was older and was beginning to lose its functionality-but no danger yet, so Calliope came at a good time.  She also had deep lines on the bottoms of her feet, and long fingernails -both of which are additional signs of being well-cooked! Interestingly, though, she also arrived with nice coating of vernix, which you usually only see in babies born at a younger gestational age...so I take these contradicting indicators to mean that she arrived at precisely the right moment for her.  Good job, kid.

It's been unseasonably warm for November...

Hazel decided she wanted to go back to bed, and Cadence stayed up to help Erin check out and measure Calliope (13.5" head circumference, weighing 7lbs 1oz, and 20" long). She checked her all out (the word "perfect" was tossed out at some point) and my wonderful family made sure I had plenty to eat and drink (that eggplant dish was exactly what I wanted...as was that pink lemonade & seltzer!).  Susan departed, and we chatted with Erin while she did her paperwork and such.  Turns out mine was the 4th labor in 2 days, and I'd woken poor Erin up a mere hour after she'd gone to bed after returning home from another birth...and she had to be at a conference by 8am.  (When we saw her again two days later for a follow up, mom jokingly asked if she'd finally gotten to sleep.  She said no.  Evidently all their November moms gave birth in the same week*. [Liz quipped that it was Mercury being in retrograde.]  And Mairi was still with the same poor mom who had been in labor when I was.  Just goes to show, every birth is unpredictable and different.)

An exhausted but intrepid Erin weighs baby Calliope 

As time went on, the pool began to list rather comically...James had begun to empty it, but it was becoming clear that the structural integrity of the pool had been seriously compromised.  As it drained, it kind of collapsed in on itself.  Thank you, birth pool, for lasting exactly as long as I needed you!

Baba with his oldest & youngest daughters

Anyway, Erin had James take off his shirt so he could have some skin-to-skin contact with Calliope (for bonding and warmth!), and helped me to the bathroom.  I took a quick rinse-off shower, and after I was clean and settled, Erin made sure we were set and departed. The sun was rising in the sky, it was a new day, and there we were - a family of five, hangin' out with Nana and the kitties, reveling, enjoying...

family of 5 

3 generations!

After Hazel's birth, because of the timing and the little hemorrhage episode I had, I was sent to bed as soon as I was set - it was the closing of the day, and I just got up the next day as a new chapter.  (And I was totally unaware of all the businessy things and cleanup that James dealt with...)  This time, however, labor had been so quick and easy that I didn't even feel tired.  I honestly tried to sleep, but I couldn't get my eyes to stay closed.  I'd try to relax into it, and my mind would wander and I'd forget I was supposed to be trying to sleep!  It was morning!  Had that all really just happened?? I had my baby! It was unreal...

My beautiful baby & me!

Mom and James finished emptying the pool, and Cadence and Hazel helped them to take EXCELLENT care of both me and Calliope, and we had an awesome first day as a family.  I can't explain how wonderful this experience was...despite being quite different than my last home water birth experience, which I described (even at the time!) as being "blissful."  I don't know that I would use that same word to describe this one, but I would say that it was awesome, and amazing, and wonderful, and empowering, exciting...even fun!  I can't say I preferred one experience to the other, they were each so unique and offered me so many new insights in different ways, and I'm sure the kids they brought forth will be different, and unique in their own wonderful ways, too.  I just love it.  I can't recommend homebirth or waterbirth highly enough.  It's just so comfortable and...humane.

Becoming a family of 5 is exhausting!

Welcome, little Calliope Sage!  I admit that I was scared and reluctant when I first found out I was pregnant for the third time...but here we are, less than two weeks since your wondrous arrival, and I already can't imagine life without you.  Thank you for coming to us, little one, thank you for making our family whole and bringing us the gift of your presence.  I'm so totally in love with you, my little pup.

Calliope Sage

I'll close this story with the lyrics to the song/wish/blessing that Mairi taught us all at our last group prenatal session before all these kids arrived.  I wish this for you, Calliope, that you are able to live a full, meaningful, awesome life, that touches those around you in a profound and positive way.  Make the most of it, kid.  I love you.

When you were born

you cried

and the world rejoiced.

Live your life so that when you die,

the world will cry 

and you'll rejoice.

Quality time with Nana

Carmen & Calliope:  Our oldest charge and our youngest 

Puy checks on the new kitten

Lily & Calliope: each the youngest of three. Lily likes to keep the new kitten warm.

Love this fabulous little soul.

*Throughout my pregnancy, I've felt a sort of spiritual kinship with wolves, and have thought of Calliope as my little wolf pup.  Because of this, I can't help but think of these 6 babies arriving into their respective dens all clustered together like that with the same midwives (seriously, it's SO UNUSUAL for that many babes who were expected over the span of a month to arrive all at once...) as being like her spiritual litter. Welcome to the world, all of you!

Cadence caresses her new baby sister's tiny head

EDIT TO ADD: Liz was understandably devastated that she missed the big event, but later shared with me a voicemail that she discovered on her phone when she got up that morning. I knew what it was instantly. Unbeknownst to me, James had valiantly continued to try to reach her on and off throughout, and the last time he called, he didn't hang up right away...her phone recorded the moment of Calliope's birth.

Overheard yesterday

Hazel: jiejie! Jiejie!!
Cadence (from the other room): what?
Hazel: come here, jiejie.
Cadence: why?
Hazel: because I love you!


That feeling seem to be pretty mutual, honeynut.

Big Kids

There is nothing like having a new baby to make your older kids seem so freakin' grown up.

Quality time with dajie

First of all, they look HUGE.  As tiny as they both are, Cadence and Hazel are both strikingly BIG compared to their new baby sister...I asked Cadence to help me get something the other day before realizing it was IN the pack 'n play, and was shocked (shocked!) when she went over to the crib and was able to just casually glance inside and grab the item in question...WHEN DID SHE GET SO TALL??

And it's not just size, it's development...Hazel was dancing around in her birthday suit the other day and I couldn't get over the way her legs worked...she's so steady!  Look how solid her hip joint are as she hops!  And she's off and running with such strength and no wobbles at all!  That's no baby...WHEN DID SHE BECOME A KID??

But the thing that really wallops you over the head with the fact that these girls are really, truly growing up and becoming such wonderful, independent people is how they've taken Calliope's arrival.  I was worried that it would be a rough transition, that Hazel would have a hard time "sharing" me, and that would mean I'd need to spend a significant amount of time trying to appease her, and the result would be that Cadence wouldn't get any time with me at all and we'd all be frustrated and miserable...

I needn't have worried.  From the moment they each woke up to welcome her into the world, these two have been nothing but loving and understanding towards their new sister, and to me.  It helps, of course, that they were with me at all the prenatal sessions and heard the midwives telling me what tasks I should and should not undertake following the birth, and that we've all been talking about it and trying to prepare as best we can for quite a while...but none of that would matter if they didn't have the mental capacity to absorb and understand all that information, which they totally have.

They will both get after me if I try to do something I'm not supposed to, or remind me of things I should be doing...Hazel will ask me "is Calliope sleeping mama?" and if I say yes, she'll say "Then you should sleep too, mama.  Mommy needs to sleep when the baby sleeps!" and Cadence will stop mid-game to say "Mama, do you have something to drink?  Have you taken your vitamins yet?" And if Calliope needs a diaper change, they'll run off calling for James to change it, because they don't want me to stand at the changing table, and anyway, that's when I'm supposed to use the bathroom, so when we're both all clean, I can give the baby her mommy milk comfortably...

They are both amazing about getting things we may need.  They love on this baby so much...she gets plenty of hugs, kisses, cuddles, playtime, and talks from those two.  They already include her in their play, always making sure she has a toy, too, and giving her shares of whatever they're making.  It doesn't bother them that she doesn't do much yet, or that most things they present to her just sit on the couch beside us, they're just glad to have her look at them with those big, bright eyes of hers, and maybe grab their finger with her tiny hand, or seem satisfied when they hold her.

Hazel has gone above and beyond by not only understanding when I can't do something-most of the time, she doesn't even ask.  She'll start to, then think better of it, give me a smile, and bound of to find James or Cadence to help her, instead.  But that doesn't mean she can't help out - to the contrary, there was a time early on when I forgot to fill my peri bottle until it was too late, and I couldn't reach the sink...that girl noticed, volunteered to fill it for me, and actually managed to do it even though she couldn't reach to turn the water on or off without balancing on the edge of the sink on her stomach, her feet dangling above the step stool...that was no small feat for such a small 2 year old.  She was soooo pleased to have helped, and I was so proud.

This morning, both Cadence and Hazel woke up before Calliope (which meant I wasn't willing to admit that I was awake yet, either...) or James, and after chatting together for a little bit, Hazel announced that she was hungry and wanted breakfast, but she asked Cadence if she could get it, so they wouldn't have to wake us up.  Cadence agreed, and what's more, she actually did it...she got bowls, spoons, cereal and milk for both of them, and even put everything away again (no milk left out!  If she spilled anything, she cleaned it up!  There was no evidence of chaos, only a nice orderly breakfast at the table!). She only resorted to asking James for help a little later on, when she wanted to get them each some pink lemonade and seltzer, but there wasn't enough seltzer and she couldn't get the seltzer bottle to screw in to the seltzer maker...which is a really hard thing to do, even for grownups.

And then, this evening, they both undertook the task of 'teaching' Calliope how to brush teeth, put on jammies, put fresh sheets on the bed...

We are so impressed, and proud, of both of our extremely thoughtful, capable Big Kids...We are so lucky to have such amazing people blossoming in our midst.  I have no doubt that Calliope will bring her own set of wonders as she continues to grow.  I can't wait to see what they will all discover.  I love them all.

Quality time with xiao jie!  (um...not sure if my translation there is correct...)

New Yu too!!

We are thrilled to announce the arrival of our newest little awesome:

Calliope Sage Yu

She was born at home, surrounded by family at 4:22am on 11/8/12, after less than 2 hours of labor.  (Seriously, I woke up at 2:30 going, huh, contractions...called my midwife about 45 minutes later, after finding that I couldn't go back to sleep...She barely made it to the house before Calliope made her grand entrance!)

She's healthy and strong, weighing in at 7lbs 1oz and measuring 20" at birth.  She's the perfect addition to our family, and we couldn't possibly be more thrilled!

Studying the world already...

Our THREE daughters:  Cadence, Hazel, and Calliope!

Big sisters Cadence and Hazel have been a HUGE help, and couldn't be happier with their new little meimei...There is SO MUCH love in this house right now, guys!  It's so super awesome.

Welcome to the world, little one...it's a much better place with you in it.

Love, Mama

Living with precocious kids

Yesterday, the 2 year old decided she wanted "more cookies!" and set off on an adventure to find some.  I didn't stop her, despite the fact that it was right before dinner and not a cookie-appropriate moment, since I knew there weren't any left.  She came in to report her findings to me with a cheerful "There's no more, Mama!  No More!  Guess I just have to eat the thing I see."  What was that, Hazel?  "What I see!  The thing that I see.  I just eat that, because there are no more cookies, we ate them all up." Oh, ok...um, what did you see?  At that moment my attention was called away, and Hazel snuck off to the kitchen.

A few moments later, Hazel began to shriek and she started shouting "No, Pepper, NO! Don't eat it, NO! PEPPER NO!!!"

Of course I jumped up and raced into the kitchen, where I came upon a scene that explained everything.  We had made a batch of 'home-made oreos' the day before to take to a dinner we were going to, and there had been some leftover filling which I'd left in the fridge overnight.  This had proved to be a mistake, as the fats solidified and the 'frosting' had turned into a rock, so I'd left it on the counter to warm up a bit and soften while I worked in the other room.  This enticing bowl of cookie filling is evidently "the thing" that Hazel saw, and she had dragged a step stool over to the counter to retrieve it. She'd set the (comically large) bowl down on the floor so she could climb down after it, and in the meantime, Pepper, seeing a giant bowl of buttery deliciousness in her territory, thought she'd hit the jackpot and had rushed over to gobble it up.  So this is the scene I walked into:  the two year old waving her arms in a panic while standing on a step stool watching the dog and a giant bowl of frosting she'd obviously meant to have for herself at her feet.

I couldn't help myself, and actually burst out laughing.  I was equally impressed, amused, and dismayed...it was so mischievous and cute of Hazel to quietly set about getting the sweet stuff without help (or permission) and such good problem solving in how to get at it, and so sad the way the plans had been foiled by the dog...and also sad for pepper, who didn't understand why she couldn't keep her prize (Good news:  I took it away, she's still alive!) ...it was a classic moment, if I do say so myself.

Oh, and to top it all off, the 5 year old was in the other room at the time "writing a book.  It's a chapter book."  What's it called?  "The Nature of Science."

Aww, her first treatise! 

Sisterly Support

Me, after Hazel bit the dust during some sort of chase game this morning:  Ok my ladies, we've already had three or four big crashes just this morning, so I think we need to take a break from the running around like crazy games for a bit, ok?
Hazel: K.
Cadence:  OK Mama, we will.  Can you please get me some milk?
Me: Sure sweetheart.
Cadence (To Hazel, as soon as I was in the kitchen): It's ok Hazel, if you're not having lots of accidents, you're just not living life.



 

...and then there were...

I knew almost immediately.  Hazel was watching a video of a bunch of kittens hopping gleefully about, and the emotional reaction I had to this silly clip that I've seen about a billion times before simply didn't leave any room for doubt.  I needed to be preparing for the arrival of a brand new bundle of joy.

That was weeks before we were even in the testable zone of a pregnancy...and left me plenty of time to panic the hardcore panic I didn't know I had in me when it came to the subject of babies.  You see, I had JUST made the decision that I was happy - really happy - with our family as it was, and I felt my life going in a strong, awesome direction, and I had just let the idea of having another child go, seeing the dangers - both physical and psychological - outweighing the possibility of another baby by just enough to end the 'baby' chapter of my life behind me as Hazel toddled away from her own babyhood.  To whit, I actually know the date of conception this time, which I haven't before, and wouldn't you know, it was the EXACT DAY that I had consciously made the decision that I didn't want any more biological children?  I guess the universe disagreed with my personal decree, and evidently this baby was Meant to Be.

Which is why, though panic I did, I am thrilled about this baby.  I went through a few very intense days of emotional roller coaster riding, feeling like this just can't happen, being angry, confused, scared...but I came through it.  We know now, after two such adventures of welcoming new children into our lives, that each individual child comes with so much new joy and fulfillment and growth, and an entirely new prespective on life...I have no illusions that this will be easy, but we are confident that this child will bring us just as much happiness in his or her own way, and that whatever hardships we have to endure will be well worth it. I cannot wait to meet our new little one, who will make his or her debut sometime this fall while we're in DC.

Cadence and Hazel are thrilled to welcome a new baby into the family.  They are such amazingly good kids (and awesome helpers, I might add!).  This kid is lucky to have two such loving, capable, and no doubt doting Jiejies in his or her life.

Welcome to this crazy mix, Baby Yu #3!!!

The mouths of not-quite babes

I am LOVING this overly talkative stage that Cadence and her peers are in at the moment.  Whether it is playground antics, thoughtful musings, or "DUH mom it's obvious!" explanations, they come up with the most amazing stuff.  Here are some examples of each:

A few months ago, I accompanied Cadie B's class to the playground, and while I was there I overheard the following conversation between two of her four year old classmates:

Isabel (runs up to Orion and says):  Excuse me, but are you part of the world?

Orion: Yes.

Isabel: Ah. Well then, I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to conquer you!

(exit.)

Earlier today, after a long, festive hide-and-seek tag type game, Cadence spontaneously turned to me and said, quite thoughtfully:

Cadence: Some four year olds are really big, but they're not very responsible.  But I don't think I'm like that.  I think I'm a very responsible child.  Do you think so, Mama? That I'm not a not-responsible four year old, but a very responsible four year old?

Why yes, Cadence, Yes- yes I do.

And then this evening, well, I'll provide just a snippet of the very long, involved conversation that took place over the course of several hours that was SUPPOSED to be bedtime.  Cadence had successfully gotten James and I off on a tangent by asking about sleep cycles, but she was quick to reign us back in when the conversation risked moving on without her, and she did so in the most bone-chilling way she could have in the eyes of her arithmaphobic mother who is already intimidated by her baby's smarts:

James:  How long would you say my naps usually last?

Kate:  about 3 hours?

James:  Maybe I got through 2 sleep cycles per nap? Or I just have really loooong sleep cycles?

Kate:  I don't know, you'd have to talk to a sleep specialist about all that.

James:  I've actually wanted to do a sleep study - 

Cadence (clearly annoyed):  MAMA! I've been waiting for my turn to talk. I was going to tell you that baba's naps are 180 minutes long.

...

So yeah, either a mathematical genius that scares the crap out of me, or a reeealllllly good guess!

THE FLU, part II

...well, it was kind of MOSTLY over...we made it through that night alright except that Hazel woke up at 4 am thinking it was time to paaaart-aaayy! and the next day both kids were fine in the morning and got increasingly fussy throughout the day, and then spent that night being fussy, fidgety, whiney, and NOT sleeping really, I think because of opportunistic upper respiratory bugs with the sniffling coughing yuck which means I didn't sleep, either...Sunday we tried to lay low, and thought we were finally in the clear...until James' belly rebelled and I spent the night waking up with him. At least the girls are ok, now, I thought, until early early in the morning when Hazel unexpectedly vomited ON MY FACE AND IN MY HAIR...and James had moved the bowl so I couldn't find it and by the time he woke enough to figure out what was going on and retrieve it well...it was time for yet another bed sheet, pajama, pillowcase, and blanket change.  Oi. The next night  - last night - I stayed up after the ladies went to sleep to catch up on some work and such, so went to bed late.  The night itself was a bit restless but ok, until the girls again rose at the crack of dawn, and I haven't had a full (or even half?) a night's sleep since last week sometime. (I bet you can tell just reading this.  I doubt I'm at the peak of my wordsmithy skills.)

Here's hoping tonight will be better.  (nevermind that Cadence JUST finally fell asleep about 10 minutes ago.)

THE FLU

We made it 4.5 years of parenting without encountering the horrors of the dreaded Stomach Flu, so I really can't complain, but when it hit, it hit HARD.



Night one: Hazel wakes up horrendously sick.  She recognizes her lunch in the mess and spends the rest of the night recounting how her "noms came back!" and that it hurt and made her cry. Over the course of the (very long) night, we went through every bed sheet, mattress pad, towel, blanket, and set of pajamas in the house.  Cadence somehow manages to sleep through everything, even when James had to physically relocate her to change sheets while Hazel was shrieking bloody murder.

Day one:  It's clear that we can't drag a nauseous Hazel on the subway, so James takes Cadence to school and we arrange a playdate with a classmate for the afternoon so he can collect her after he's done with class.  Cadence is ecstatic that she gets to go to school with just Baba and that she'll get to play, and bounds off in an awesome mood.  I stay home with the poor sick little baby.  You know what's NOT home?  Running water.   The building turned it off. I had just enough warning to fill all the teapots and pitchers and fill the tub to use for cleaning things up, but all that laundry we'd amassed the night before had to be put on hold...and I neglected to stop up the bathtub drain as we did during the hurricane, so by the time the water came back on, the tub was almost completely empty.  Luckily we make it through, and Hazel seems to improve by evening.  I get a text from Cadence's friend's mom saying no rush to pick her up 'cause they're having fun, and decide we've weathered the worst of the storm and start with the post-sickness deep cleanse. Hazel and I finally emerge from the shower scrubbed and fresh, and discover a voicemail on my phone.  We listen to it together; it's James, reporting that he's on his way to get Cadence, who evidently just threw up a couple times at her friend's home.  "Oh, no!" Hazels declares, meaningfully, "poor jie jie!  Jie jie come home, Stay."

Night Two:  James and Cadence, armed with some borrowed clothes and a disposable tupperware container, embark on a long and nauseating taxi ride home.  They arrive home sometime after 7:30, smelly and unhappy, and we get them washed off and start prepping for bed.  James is scheduled to host some friends for a guy's night this evening, and now it's too late to cancel.  My noble plan of getting the girls into bed before they arrive doesn't stand a chance, and the guys (who are, thankfully, all lovely people who are totally understanding of a little girl's plight) are greeted by a pale 4 year old huddled under a blanket occasionally wretching into a silver mixing bowl while I scramble to get some food into the now-hyper 20 month old with a new lease on life, who is insisting on rearranging furniture as James tries to clean a little bit for his friends.  I finally get everyone down, and spend a few hours tending to Cadence as she tries to get some rest between bouts of sickness...I will say, it is easier dealing with her illness since she's older and can ask for the bowl in advance, but the poor dear seems to be a bit more affronted by the experience, having amassed a bit more dignity over the years to be lost in the betrayal of her belly.  There was much more emotional fallout, if fewer sheet changes.  Until, that is, Hazel vomits in her sleep again. Since I foolishly thought she was done with that, she wasn't on a bed of towels and we are back to changing sheets, this time moving a queasy and definitely not sleeping Cadence around as little and as gingerly as possible to do so. Oi. I spend the rest of the night fussing over my two poor sick girls, a maniac with a big metal bowl and a pack of wetwipes.

Day Two:  In the morning, after Hazel bounces awake and right onto Cadence's tummy, Cadence stretches, smiles, and responds to my inquiry into how she's feeling with a jovial "good enough to get my own breakfast this morning!"  And they're off.  A bit weak, a bit fussy, and they both crashed into nap-land about an hour ago, but I think, knock on wood, we may have survived this round.  (as long as James and I don't get simultaneously sick while these two rebound into CRAZY HAPPY HEALTHY KID-dom.)

A few moments ago:

Cadence: what are you eating?

Me: the last bit of sandwhich.

Cadence: my sandwhich?

Me: yes.

Cadence: why were you eating my sandwhich?

Me: It was just one last little bit, and it wasn't worth keeping but I didn't want it to go to waste.

Cadence: But I'm worth keeping...

Me: you sure are! You and your sister are the two best-est awesome-ist kids ever in the whole wide world, as far as I'm concerned!

Cadence: What are you concerned about, mom?!

TOOTH

Just a quick note to let everyone know that James is fine after the vicious tiger bite he received this evening. The finger is still whole, and we expect he'll make a full recovery.

The tiger, who was trying out her very first tooth - cut just this morning! - seemed somewhat shocked, but pleased that her new line of defense proved effective.

Life Affirmation

Oopsies...!

Yesterday, while walking through the flatiron district after walking Charlie, we had a bit of a cinematic moment.

I was walking with Hazel in the wrap, holding Cadence's hand as we headed towards the bus stop. From the other direction came a woman carrying an overstuffed Trader Joe's bag in each hand. She looked up, saw the cute, and was immediately transfixed. Until she walked smack into a tree. Oops.

(She was fine, and though one of her bags got tangled, I think the only thing she injured was her pride.)

See? I toldja, my ladies are hazardously cute.

Crazy Week

...

I have no idea how to start this post! I wanted to keep up the momentum I've regained recently in terms of posting, so I thought I'd sit down and just do a brief description of this past week, but that is proving slightly harder to actually accomplish than I would like.

Not only has it been James' first full week of classes (the last two weeks were short weeks with things like "legislative mondays" in the mix) and the start of his duties as a journal editor, and not only did Cadence have her first week of school ever, meet all of her new classmates and take definite strides in terms of asserting her independence by kicking me out of her classroom before most kids would even consider letting their parents go; but it has also seen the first school-borne illness to hit our family (at this writing, Cadie is asleep but with a temp of 102.2, Hazel is finally resting after two days of goopy baby nose, and I'm trying to deny that my throat has a tell-tale tickle...)...and oh yeah, we had a break in about midway through it, too.

On Wednesday we left just before noon to walk Charlie, as always, before I brought Cadence to school. There, I got to witness her class' introduction to the 'picture clock'; their schedule for the day broken down into representative photographs to give them an idea of what to expect for their school-day routine. There was a picture of the courtyard for outdoor time, a picture of the rug they all sit on for 'circle time', a picture of her teacher's ukulele for their musical end-cap, and of course representative images of snack time and for free explorations and all the activities they'd get to encounter there. After they were done going over each item on the list, my little Cadie B called for the teachers attention and, very politely though quite firmly, expressed that this was all good, but that "I really want to do learning time." Of course, when I relayed this story to my mom later that night, she reminded me of my reaction to my very first day of kindergarten at the age of 4. I got off the bus and met her enthusiastic inquiries about how it had been with utter disappointment, declaring that "it's just a playing school." Apple? Tree? not too distant, evidently...

Anyway, she sent me on my way shortly after that, so I headed out to Clementine, a great little kids' consignment shop right next to the law school, to pay for a skirt I had (embarrassingly) accidentally shoplifted a couple days before (I know, I know! It's terrible...I tried it on Hazel, Cadence distracted me, Hazel zonked out on my chest while I was dealing with Cadie and I, forgetting that Hazel had the skirt on, absentmindedly just stuck her in the wrap out of habit, without looking, and didn't discover my error until much later).

Having made amends and had a longer-than-I-should-have-stayed conversation with the store's owner about life as the wife of an international lawyer, I hustled back to the blue school to fetch Cadence, and we met with James back at the law school for an OWLS event. OWLS, (Older Wiser Law Students) is a student organization aimed at students who are not fresh out of undergrad, and may have other priorities in life which can make the law school experience significantly different than it would be otherwise, for which James serves as a board member.

The girls were wonderful representatives of some of those outside priorities, and everyone seemed to have a quite enjoyable time. After some good food and schmoozing, I took Hazel home to prepare to receive the guests we were expecting that night, while Cadence and James stayed to see out the event. It had already been a thoroughly exhausting day by the time I got home around 7:00 in the evening, so I was perhaps less prepared for the shock that awaited me upon my return.

I arrived home that evening to discover that someone had broken into our apartment while we were away, and had stolen our computer, my engagement ring, the girls' family rings, and almost all of my jewelry including almost everything I had inherited from my late grandmother.

Thankfully though, no one was hurt. Only the kitties were home when it all went down, and they were all present and accounted for, and didn't seem to have been harmed (but were understandably a bit freaked). All in all we were quite lucky, and I am grateful that all that we lost were material possessions...the place wasn't even ransacked, and in fact they didn't seem to touch anything other than what they actually took...really, this could have been a much worse incident than it was; the way it all went down, it's almost nothing. (Though the feeling of violation and the decreased sense of security make that a big almost.)

Anyway, the rest of that night was a bit of a blur of guests arriving amidst police reports and phone calls, sorting through things and dealing with the shock. There was no sign of forced entry and the door had definitely been locked when we left the house, so the police (and the locksmith who replaced our locks and installed an additional deadbolt the next morning) think they must have had a key...

So, despite some lingering parental trauma, I think we'll be fine. And I really do believe that if someone had to go through all the trouble of breaking in to take it all, whether they were doing it to survive or to support some sort of bad habit...chances are they needed it all more than I do right now, since they are clearly in a worse state of crisis than I. So I sincerely wish them peace.

Anyway, we were all glad to greet the weekend today, though with sickness and some very troubling news within the family (which I won't divulge here out of deference to a loved one's privacy; suffice it to say we are sending oceans of love and worry to someone we all care deeply about), and trying to figure out how to recover our functionality without our main computer...well, we're all a mite exhausted.